well I know it's been a long long time, but this has finally been resolved and it wasn't the transmission after all. After many mechanics, and experts on this site told me it needed a new trans I found a mechanic who told me for $450 he'd test everything and definitively tell me what the issue was. He drove the car with a scope and a laptop sending commands to the trans. He was able to determine that the trans was fine between that test and measuring line pressures that I didn't entirely understand.
Recall this is the same care I blew the ECU by changing the alternator without disconnecting the battery. He said it was the analogous computer for the trans that was blown but alas he didn't have one and couldn't find one. I got one on ebay for $35, he programmed it for $300 and she now runs like a dream!!
I somehow couldn't accept that it was a mechanical issue and I'm glad I held out hope. I was ready to scrap it and now it's a car with all sorts of new parts, rebuilt engine and smooth shifting trans. Thanks to all for your advice and help throughout the multi-year journey, now I'm a happy dad with a kid asking me for gas money every 3 days.
drGian
current lineup: 2001 Volvo v70 2.4 Turbo, 2014 Ford Flex AWD, 3.5 V6 Turbo, 2017 F-150 3.5 V6 Turbo
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